Man, I'm going crazy.

Discussion in 'General ChitChat' started by Johnzaloog, Jan 5, 2009.

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  1. Johnzaloog

    Johnzaloog DATS Yu-Gi-Oh! Official

    Man, I'm going crazy.

    Okay, I just walked out of my biology class in a teary daze (yes, I'm 18 and male). it was a mock exam, and I couldn't remember anything. She said I could do some revision and pick up the test at the end of the week.

    But I guess I should give a little context. On thursday 18th (I think), my dad got a call from school (he wanted regular updates on my progress). Those who know me will know that me and my father are always on tenterhooks. The call wasn't good. I had problems with concentration, notes and homework, though none were major problems. My dad came around my mother's house (where I usually live), and just went "You! in the car, now!", doesn't sound good, huh?

    We drove around all sorts of places he had to work when he was my age, and said all sorts of things, but you can guess most of them. But he said some genuinly cruel and uncalled for things, like "You know me and your mother are trying to get back together, but the way things are going, it looks like it's never going to happen; I'm just so sick of looking at you." or "I'd rather leave the inheritance to the dogs than you.". Not nice. Then he 'confiscated' my Wii, N64 and GBA (I had given my sister my gamecube, and I managed to hide my DS quickly enough).

    Naturally, I was very angry and upset with my dad, and many of my friends say they wouldn't have taken what he said and did, even the teachers who condemned me said confirmed to me that it was not anywhere near as bad as he made it out, "Why do your teachers say you're bone idle, don't take notes, don't do homework and you might as well not come back in January". I went and checked all of these, all denied these extremes, my german teacher Mrs. hilditch going as far as to say that apart from a few recent absenses (I was ill), my work was excellent, particularly my grammar.

    I tried so hard to be nice to him and the rest of the family on Christmas and Boxing day, I really tried, but my gloominess wasn't easy to hide, and many even went to say I was ruining the fun (not suprisingly, they were on my dad's side of the family). My grandmother on my mum's side appeared down, and they must have assumed it was my "sulking" that was making her upset, which I asked her about today, she claims it was a lot of things, mainly financial problems with my aunt, uncle and me, but that's another story. After they all left, my family decided to go to a carol service at church, I have been an atheist for over 7 years (I celebrate christmas as a national holiday, not a religious one), my dad still tried (quite hard) to get me in there, but I was adamant and just walked home (it wasn't far). When i got home, I thought there must be a reason besides my dad that I'm so down, and took a depression test on the internet, well, actually I took 5, they all came back positive, and quite strongly.

    At this point I must say this isn't just recent, my 'Kevin-like' (kevin and perry anyone?) behaviour had been with me for well over a year. I was not being a sulky teenager, which irritates me to this day how I've always been treated like one by my family. This has been going on since...well, I feel bad for saying this, but it's been since my parents split in July last year (well, 2 now).

    I confronted my mother with the tests (she had depression once, it caused the seperation), and she seemed rather...distant. She said to me that if I thought (I was indignant that the word thought) I had depression, I should go and get an appointment at the doctor's, so I did. When i went there, I explained some of my situation, mainly my symptoms, and she recommended I go to get some therapy and game me a phone number, I'm currently waiting for them to call back.

    My depression mainly strikes worst when I'm a) with my dad and b) with a large number of people, so I didn't want to go to the new years party, an understandable request I would have thought. But no. My dad wouldn't have it, he even dragged me to the car and said "You're coming, and you're going to enjoy it, and if you make it miserable for everybody else, there'll be hell to play" (he ment pay, but I remembered it because of all the irony in the sentence). I made damn-well sure to remain sober that night (Alcohol+depression=...well, you figure it out). It was alright, but nightmaric when the karaoke machine came out, nobody could sing in the states they were in. My dad was so drunk he even told me the last thing that Lucy (a girl he went out with before he and mum were trying to get back together) said to him about me was to "take him someplace to get laid" and then said "Would you like that, we'll go to a strip club sometime?". He blames me for not him not getting back together with mom, and he offers me to go to a strip club with him. You couldn't imagine how disgusted I was with him.

    I spent the remainder of the holiday trying to revise and enjoy myself, but I had to spend the weekend at his house. He talked to me about all sorts of things which I just wasn't interested in, getting a driving license/car, where I'd like to live, what I'd like to live in, etc. I had no idea what cars or house I'd want to live in and at the moment I couldn't care less. He's trying to get me into jogging aswell now, he set himself a target to lose 1.5 stone by his birthday (mid-July) and decided it'd be good for me to do it with him. I'm sure he means well, but it's my decision whether I'll excersize and lose weight or not.

    I went into school this morning and the teachers were conserned for me, offering help and even to talk with my dad about how he was being to hard on me, which I politely refused. The morning went smoothly enough, but in the afternoon, I had a biology mock exam(which I din't know about). I went into a complete nervous brake-down. I asked to talk with my teacher and explained how much pressure I'm under and how hard I'm trying with my other subjects (I'm resitting my history and german next week) and I had sorta neglected my biology revision. She was very understanding and said I can go off and do some revision now and do the test later *scrolls up* which I've already told you.

    My sister and I are both furious with dad (though Hayley is more angry about the wii, she had gotten wii music for christmas). But anyway, if any of you have actually managed to read through all of this, pat yourself on the back. I just realy needed to get this stuff off my chest.
  2. Futamaru

    Futamaru A Translator, Not So Diligent... Staff Member

    Well... You will feel better if you speak it out. I'm sure the community will lend their ears to you.

    Just wish you to have a happier New Year. Don't think about it whenever you can (What am I saying?). Just enjoy whatever you have right now.
  3. Johnzaloog

    Johnzaloog DATS Yu-Gi-Oh! Official

    ...a nice thought, but doesn't last long, the cons are kinda numerous. But thanks for the help.
  4. StelarSX

    StelarSX Jack In!

    Good luck, pal.
  5. Shizuru

    Shizuru Member

    My heart hurts hearing your story and you've been in my mind all afternoon. I know you don't believe in God and it sounds like He isn't very positively represented by the people in your life, but if you don't mind I'd like to pray for you and your family. Hang in there.
  6. Crash And Burn

    Crash And Burn Yay 4 Spring!~

    I would not think about it too much because then you might just feel worse about it. (I read your story thing and it seems your dad is really hard on you to get good grades)
  7. Magna

    Magna New Member

    That is terrible T____T Your father doesn't just seem to get it in his head that you are you, you have your abilities, strengths, talents, weaknesses and thoughts. Everyone has their ups and downs in life, but he doesn't seem to understand and takes it too seriously. It could be from envy, that you have your life ahead of you and do have the ability to choose what you do, even if others disapprove, you can do it (example atheism, the way you could leave the church), or it could be a pure lack of sympathy. Even though, you must understand that your father may only change his thoughts on his own resolve, since from my point of view, it is not your fault, and depression is the standard reaction.
    I wish you all the best and I'm truly sorry that I could not provide more comfort.
  8. Johnzaloog

    Johnzaloog DATS Yu-Gi-Oh! Official

    Thanks, though I'm not christian, I still appreciate the gesture a lot.

    Thanks to everybody.

    And Magna, You seem to have hit the nail on the head. He doesn't appreciate that I am my own person, it's a shame he won't realise it any time soon. He sees video games (for an example) as a kiddy's hobby (I can specifically recall him staying up until 3AM playing on Super Mario bros, Sonic the hedgehog and Colin McRae Racing when we got each respective console, hypocrit).
  9. celestial_sacred

    celestial_sacred Active Member

    I don't know how to put in words how I feel after reading this. It's like my heart's been crushed. Your dad could be under pressure himself. Just try to open up your heart to your family, try to give a smile when you see them, try a little longer. Not everyone can receive your message instantly. It takes time, maybe longer than you think. This isn't much but I hope everything will turn out fine. *hugs*
  10. Volt

    Volt DC Comics Enthusiast Vengeance

    I feel so bad for you. I wish your dad would realize his cruelty, but from the way it sounds, it doesn't seem like he ever will. I hope that it will get better in the future. Until then, as everyone else is saying, just hang in there.
  11. Role

    Role Fanfic Writer & RPer Returning Member

    Parents always think they know what's best, but they usually turn out to be total dumbasses. As if screaming and being overly strict will work. That's the problem with our parent's generation, they don't understand how far a little kindness will take them. What they need to realize is that they have to actually spend time with their kids, and a great way to do that is to get the family together a couple hours before bedtime and do a big homework session. The parents don't give the answers away of course, but what they should do is help encourage their children. And who knows. Maybe they'll end up learning something too.

    However, being a total ass about it won't solve anything. Instead, it'll get the relationship me and my mother have with each other - complete and total animosity. I'd sooner kill her than save her life. And sadly, most people are like that with their parents. Sadly, parents just don't understand that their kids are just like they are - only human.

    I understand your pain, and remember, the second you're out of high school, you can give them the finger and they'll not be able to do a thing (or if they do, you can send them to jail for it).
  12. Johnzaloog

    Johnzaloog DATS Yu-Gi-Oh! Official

    Thanks for all of your support guys. I just got back from the doctor's. She recommends council like before (they still haven't contacted me). My results from her tests put me in the "severe" catagory, yippee, lol. She says that medication would be a good idea sooner rather than later, but the side effects include dizziness, nausea and tiredness, and as I have resit exams next week, we're going to wait.

    Wow, I feel great anger and animosity for my father, but I think I would still save him first, but I guess I'm just too nice.

    *Starts looking forward to University...*
  13. Crash And Burn

    Crash And Burn Yay 4 Spring!~

    Good luck with your family matters... I guess. (College is a LOT better than High School from what my friends tell me)
  14. Shizuru

    Shizuru Member

    How are things going? Hope your exams went okay...
  15. Johnzaloog

    Johnzaloog DATS Yu-Gi-Oh! Official

    Actually, the exams weren't quite as bad as I thought (touch wood). I've done 3 of them so far, History (Henry VII), Biology and German, with just history (Russia 1917-1929) to go. The Henry one caught me by surprise, it was easy, really easy, I hope I did well. Biology is my worst subject so I was not looking forward to the exam, but it wasn't as bad as I'd expected, I hope I passed. And yesterday there was german, which the listening was wierd (They said women find "Jeans und Drei Tage Bade" attractive in men, Jeans and 3 day baths?) and there was a writing bit which I'm sure we all failed (adjective endings=Failing for us). But on the whole, it wasn't too bad, and I'm fairly confident with the last one, but I'm sure I won't be when I'm about to go into the exam :p.

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